


I will fight off your loneliness and love you the way you deserve.

by BadBatch (Forever_Cynical)



Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, F/F, Injury Recovery, M/M, War
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:26:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23362420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Forever_Cynical/pseuds/BadBatch
Summary: After receiving a letter from Triss, Yennefer returns to Aretuza to help out and finally make peace with the Rectoress. Stubborn as ever, Tissaia doesn't want any help and won't be helped easily. Sabrina just wants to relax with Triss and Triss just wants everyone to get along.
Relationships: Calanthe Fiona Riannon/Tissaia de Vries past, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion, Margarita Laux-Antille/Tissaia de Vries past, Sabrina Glevissig/Triss Merigold, Tissaia de Vries/Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg
Comments: 21
Kudos: 131





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Mature for later chapters. My first attempt in a while at a multi chapter fic so please be kind!

The weathered walls of Aretuza greeted Yennefer like an old friend that never wanted to see or a family member that she would avoid at a party. Though she was filled with dread as memories flowed through her, she was comforted by the fact that she knew friends awaited inside. Six months had passed since the battle Sodden. Since Yennefer had unleashed her chaos. She had been pulled in from her adventures with he Witcher and the child of surprise by Triss. By a letter from Triss to be exact. Triss. Thought to be fourteenth on the hill. Triss who rose from the ashes with a burn on her chest but a stronger spine than ever. Triss had written asking for her return to help them all heal and to specifically help them reign Tissaia, who seemed to be ignoring any good advice they came when it came to her own healing. Tissaia. Who Fringilla had poisoned. Tissaia was healing slowly and too slowly for the Rectoress’s liking. She had promised herself she wouldn’t run any more. She had made her peace with Geralt and now she was ready to make her peace with Tissaia. She was ready to confront the mage and she wouldn’t run and she wouldn’t let her push her away.

She walked through the halls aimlessly brushing her hand across them as she watched Students move out of her way. Fear in their eyes as they whispered about the violet eyes sorceress who set an entire army alight with the wave of her arms. She supposed she looked rather intimating, her long hair falling down her back, curled, dark make up covering her eyes. She’d chosen to wear tight black riding trousers, a white shirt and black furred leather jacket. She had decided not to portal here. She needed the ride to clear her head. She found herself at Tissaia’s bedroom far too soon. She could hear Triss and Sabrina talking but couldn’t make out quite what they were saying. Taking a deep breath she knocked on the door before letting herself in. She watched with fondness and amusement as Triss and Sabrina span round away from the bed and towards her. Her eyes fell on the healing burn just peaking out from Triss’s neck and the way Sabrina was standing. She stood with Triss supporting her as she leant on a cane. It became obvious to Yennefer that she had been hurt in the fall from the tower. She moved her eyes over to Tissaia who sat in the bed watching her with interest. She was paler than snow. She looked..fragile.

“Yenn, you came!” Tiss beamed as she moved to envelop her in a hug.

“I got your letter and I had nothing better to do.” Yennefer gave Triss a toothy grin as she pulled back.

“I’m sure that isn’t true at all.” Sabrina moved to pat Yennefer cautiously on the shoulder, like she was afraid Yennefer would bite her arm. “I heard you were off adventuring with a smelly Witcher.”

“Oh did you?” Yennefer arched her eyebrow at Triss who blushed.

“I didn’t say Geralt was smelly..Sabrina just assumed that.” Triss shrugged.

“All men are smelly.” Sabrina wrinkled her nose. “Not my type of company.”

“No I suppose yours has curls, is wearing a light blue dress and answers to Triss?” The dark haired witch laughed as Triss’s face grew red and Sabrina smirked at her.

“Don’t be jealous just because you ended up with a smelly Witcher and I’ve got a beautiful Sorceress on my arm.” The pride in Sabrina’s eyes made Yennefer smile.

“Are we done yet?” Tissaia huffed from the bed. “Yennefer you don’t need to be here, return to your Witcher.”

“Firstly, he isn’t my witcher.” Yennefer began as she moved round the bed to sit next Tissaia onto it, who tried in vain to push her off. “Secondly, he prefers the company of bards in tight pants.” She batted Tissaia’s hands away. “Thirdly, I’m here because Triss asked for me and you clearly need some further help.”

“I’m fine, go away.” The small mage snapped.

“Oh how I’ve missed our conversations.” Yennefer said dryly.

“Tissaia is still suffering the effects Dimeritium and is finding it hard to call to her magic at this moment in time.” Triss began. “Slowly she will get better but she needs further help here and half of the staff that are left are still injured from battle also.”

“Right.” Yennefer nodded and Tissaia began to try and interupt only to found herself unable to talk much to her frustration.

“Yenn, did you cast a spell to stop her interupting?” Triss asked amused.

“No dear that was me.” Sabrina smiled next to her as Triss looked at her surprised.

“I’m happy to help wherever I can.” Yennefer waved her hand and removed the spell from Tissaia as she began to hit her softly in the shoulder with her palm.

“Well maybe I don’t want your help, how long is it before you run away to find the Witcher and his band of merry men, piglet?” Tissaia narrowed her eyes.

“Tissaia.” Triss hissed.

“I’m not returning to Geralt but you keep bringing him up so I have to ask, are you jealous?” Yennefer turned to look at her.

“You wish, dear.” Tissaia sneered.

“You have no idea what I wish Tissaia, that was always the issue wasn’t it?” The violet eyed woman said quietly. “Right, I better go set up a room for myself, especially if some of the staff are missing.”

“Yenn..” Triss reached out to stop her.

“Its fine, I’m alright.” Yennefer smiled at her and Sabrina before looking back at Tissaia. The mage looked smaller and she could see a glint of regret in her eyes. The messy looking bun clinging on for dear life, threatening to spill her hair out and down her shoulders. “Get some rest.”

Yennefer could Triss begin to reprimand Tissaia for her behaviour and couldn’t help but smile wider. Triss was always so kind. Always caring but if you crossed her you would know of it for sure.

Tissaia pouted as Triss began to lecture her about her behaviour and unfair treatment of Yennefer who had only come to help. She reminded her that Yennefer had saved her and it took every fibre of Tissaia’s being not to blurt out that she had saved Yennefer first.

“You’re acting like a child!” Triss sighed.

“I am trapped here, unable to walk for too long, unable to do what I could before, quite honestly I believe I’m allowed to act like life is annoying me at the moment.” Tissaia argued.

“I understand that Yennefer is a sore spot for you and can get underneath your skin but...”

“No Triss, you understand nothing!” Tissaia fumed. “Nothing!”

“You do not get to talk to her like that just because you want to wallow in your sadness and pity for yourself and because you don’t wish to admit to yourself that you are in love with Yennefer!” Sabrina moved in front of Triss glaring.

“Get out!” Tissaia seethed. “How dare both of you get out!”

“Gladly Rectoress.” Sabrina stormed out, dragging Triss behind her.

Tissaia sighed and slid further down in her bed as the door slammed. How long would this last? How long would it go on for? The Dimeritium powder had weakened her significantly. She was alive but the simplest of tasks seemed hard for her. Triss had assured her that with time she would regain her strength in magic but how long would that be? She felt like she was starting out her journey all over again. She had already lost so much the first time.

She thought about Yennefer. Beautiful, dark and dangerous Yennefer. She once again managed to surprise Tissaia by showing up to be at her side once more. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She could still smell the lavender and gooseberries in the air. She thought of sodden and the smell of chaos and fire in the air. Beautiful, dangerous, pained Yennefer. Yennefer who wanted everything. She didn’t know if she could provide Yennefer everything. At this moment in time she could barely stand without pain. Who Yennefer even want her? The broken uptight Rectoress who spent most of the years with Yennefer calling her piglet. _Do you know how many people wouldn’t blink if you died?_ Tissaia slammed her eyes shut at her own cruel words. She didn’t deserve love. Yennefer should hate her.

She was broken from her musings by the door to her bedroom opening. In strode Yennefer still in her riding outfit from earlier. She seemed to be holding a glass of apple juice that she had clearly taken from the kitchen. She looked confused. Clearly she had expected Triss and Sabrina to still be gathered here. She was beautiful, even in confusion.

“So Sabrina and Triss left?” She walked towards the bed and sat down next to Tissaia again, this time leaning back and moving Tissaia over in her bed.

“Really Yennefer?” Tissaia huffed once more as she moved. “Do you have no decorum, you just walk in and lay down in bed with me.”

“Well, I figure you can’t fight me on this so I may as well take advantage.” She could hear the mirth in the younger woman’s voice.

“I asked Triss and Sabrina to leave.” Tissaia said nonchalantly.

“You mean you yelled at them and insulted them till they left?” Yennefer turned onto her side to the look at the mage.

“It doesn’t matter.” She refused to look at Yennefer. “Why are you here Yennefer?”

“I’m here because I want to help you, is that so hard to believe?” Yennefer asked.

“Yes.” Tissaia laughed unkindly. “You don’t do anything unless it benefits you.”

“You really think of me like that?” She saw the hurt in Yennefer’s eyes and tried to push dow her guilt. “After Sodden?”

“You mean after you burnt an army to the ground, disappeared for six months to be with a Witcher and a child.” She tried to control her anger, to stay calm. “We though you dead, we only found out you lived two months ago after Triss herself returned from what we believed death and told us she had been in communication with you.” Tissaia turned to Yennefer. “Just when I believe we are getting somewhere, when I begin to be more to you than a person of ridicule, you run once more.”

“Tissaia.” Yennefer grabbed her hand. “Please listen..”

“No Yennefer.” She tried to pull her hand way. “I refuse..”

“Must you always be so difficult, let me explain myself!” The dark haired beauty yelled frustrated.

“Did it ever occur to you while you were on your soul searching mission in between the sheets with a Witcher while we wondered if you were alive or dead, may hurt your friends and myself?” Tissaia looked away. “Or do you just not care?”

“Tissaia.” Yennefer begged. “Please, I’m so sorry.”

“Leave please Yennefer, this has made me very tired and I do not want to talk further, not now.” Tissaia turned her body away and lay away on her side as Yennefer stood up and looked upon her once more.

“Did it ever occur to you Tissaia, that you behaving the way you are while we try to help you is also hurting Sabrina and Triss.” Tissaia clenched her eyes shut. “You’re also hurting me too or do you not care?”

The door shut softly behind Yennefer and Tissaia opened her eyes and moved to her back. She lay alone with only thoughts to keep her company. Of course she cared. She cared more than she ever would admit.

She was in love with Yennefer.

But she deserved to be alone.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here is chapter 2! More angsty that I originally wrote it. Will try and write another today hopefully!
> 
> Enjoy.

Tissaia awoke alone to the sunlight streaming in through her curtains. She’d neglected to shut them. She wanted to the stars as she lay awake during the night. The stars always made her feel at peace. She sat up and grimaced at the ache in her chest. She still felt so weak, so broken. She supposed she she should be grateful that she was able to get out of bed. Should be grateful that she can at least manage a few steps without requiring someone else to lean on. Today, she told her self, today she would get up. Today, should would stop with the self loathing. She would stop pitying herself and she would try and get back to the person she knew she was. The strong Rectoress. She would also try to bathe herself without requiring assistance from Triss who she had treated so poorly yesterday. She would have to apologise at some point she thought. She would have to apologise to Sabrina too. She knew the blonde was fiercely protective of her partner and she found it warmed her heart. She was truly happy they had found their way to each other. She slowly moved her legs to the side of the bed and felt her feet meet the wooden floor. Taking a breathe she moved to staff and let out a pain filled breathe as she moved to stand.

Bath. She moved slowly across the room to per private bathroom, grateful she had one at this time. She could imagine the pitying eyes of the students on her as she struggled. She could hear Triss in her head telling her that she wasn’t ready to bathe on her own and to just ask for help. She could just about manage to send a telepathic request. She couldn’t hold the conversation for long. She would find her nose bleeding before the end of the conversation and that was always her queue to cut it off. It wasn’t like she deserved Triss’s help. She had been awful to her yesterday. She was awful. She didn’t know why they stayed for her.

“So much for no self loathing.” She huffed to herself as she pushed the wood door open to the bathroom.

She looked at the wooden bath and will warm water to appear as she murmured softly in elder. She felt herself grow dizzy as it appeared and fell slightly into the wooden cabinet to her left. She let out a painful groan as her hip collided with it. Blood began to trickle softly from her nose. That would be enough magic for now. She would need to pour the flowery soap in herself. She pushed herself away from the cabinet and opened it, picking out a small lilac bottle which didn’t remind her of Yennefer’s eyes at all. She moved to pour it in the bath and found herself swaying. She wouldn’t have long before her body gave out on her. Placing the bottle down quickly she began to take off the long white nightgown that she had worn to bed. She pulled it up and over, head growing heavier and heavier the longer she took. Getting in the bath she had just managed to almost sit down before her legs gave on her. Sharp pains shot through her body and she felt tears well up in her eyes in frustration. Why was it taking her so long to heal? Why was her body failing her? Why couldn’t she be stronger, be better, be more than this broken piece of shit? She slammed her arms down in the water as she let herself cry. She couldn’t do this. Couldn’t carry on like this. Yennefer wouldn’t want a broken woman. Triss and Sabrina would be better off without her leaning on them. She didn’t deserve them. She deserved this. She deserved all of this.

She was broken from her dark thoughts as she heard her bedroom door open. She quickly wiped her eyes and tried in vain to get her hair down from the messy bun she had slept in. Her fingers wouldn’t move fast enough and she soon exhausted herself once more. Her shoulders dropped and she gave up as she heard food steps approach the bathroom door. She knew who this would be. Only one person would think about entering her private quarters without knocking.

Yennefer.

“Tissaia are you in there?” The young woman asked at the door.

“I’m bathing Yennefer, please go away.” Tissaia called back as coldly as she could muster.

“Bathing?” Yennefer thundered. “I’m fairly certain you shouldn’t be bathing without help!”

“I do not need help Yennefer go away!” The Rectoress yelled.

Yennefer as per usual ignored her request and stormed through the door and into the bathroom. Yennefer looked upon the small woman in the bath. Red eyes, trace of blood underneath her nose and a weary expression on her face. Yennefer’s heart crumbled in her chest. This wasn’t the firm Rectoress, the demanding older mage she knew. She shook her head and sighed As Tissaia looked away from her and stared off at the wall ahead.

“Your hair looks terrible I’m pretty sure you ned my help.” The older mage fumed at the words.

“Thank you Yennefer for that observation.” Tissaia once again brought her hands up to her head and began to try and take it down. She was growing more and more frustrated at her fingers that wouldn’t move the way she needed them to. She winced as she pulled too hard.

“Tissaia..” Yennefer began moving towards her.

“I can do it.” Tears filled her eyes once more.

“Tiss..please.” The younger woman knelt down on the stone floor.

“I CAN DO IT.” Tissaia sobbed, hands falling to her sides as her body gave up on her again.

Yennefer’s knees hurt on the stone floor. The deep blue dress she worse was already soaked from the water that had just hit her from Tissaia’s arms giving up. She had worn it to impress the mage, to show off her asserts with a keyhole neckline that left little to imagination. The dress stuck to her like a second skin. The finest of silks used. She didn’t expect to find Tissaia like this though she supposes she should have been thinking more about Tissaia’s current health than trying to get her attention like this. She closed her eyes and remembered what Geralt had said to her before she left. He had told her that life for them could be as short or as long as they made it but no life is worth living without love. She supposes he had heard that from Jaskier. The Djinn’s wish being broken had led to his eyes opening to a love that wasn’t brewed by magic. The love of a bard. She had confessed her feelings for Tissaia and the almost kiss that had happened on the battlefield of Sodden. He, Jaskier and Ciri had encouraged her to go after finding Triss’s letter and for once, she had listened.

Taking a deep breath and mounting all the courage she could find inside of her. She moved to take off her dress as she watched Tissaia breaking down in front of her. She removed her underwear, blue matching lace and let it drop to the floor. She moved Tissaia forward in the wooden bath who put up no fight, too busy sobbing to pay attention to the naked woman behind her. Stepping in she sank down and moved her legs to each side of the other mage. She pulled her in and wrapped her arms around her. She let her cry. Let her release all the frustration and sadness over the situation out. Slowly but surely Tissaia began to stop crying. Yennefer felt her move slightly in the warm bath.

“Yennefer?” The mage sniffled.

“Yes Tissaia?” She answered softly.

“You’re naked.” She could feel the anxiety coming off Tissaia in waves.

“Well, yes, you were upset and I knew the only one to help you at this time was to hold you and I didn’t want to get my dress soaked.” Yennefer stated like it was the most obvious answer in the world.

“I see.” Tissaia croaked clearly her throat. “Will your Witcher not be jealous about this?”

“Firstly, he isn’t my Witcher he is currently in the arms of a very annoying bard and secondly, even if he was mine, you are more important.” The younger mage held Tissaia a bit tighter.

“He must be mad to let you go.” The whisper surprised Yennefer.

“He fell in love and we can’t help who we fall in love with I suppose.” Yennefer moved away to bring her hands up to Tissaia’s hair and began to untangle the mess of a bun left in.

“Did you love him?” Tissaia leant forward and finally began to let Yennefer assist her.

“I thought I did.” Yennefer let out a small laugh. “Then it came out about the Djinn and then the wish was broken and I realised I loved Geralt but I wasn’t in love with him.”

“Oh.” The older mage shut her eyes as Yennefer began to massage her head.

“Have you ever been in love Rectoress?” She asked as waved her hand for soap and hair brush to appear. She would wash away the troubles for as long as she could.

“I suppose I have.” She felt the Rectoress move awkwardly. “I have had few lovers of the past couple of years but I have been in love only once I believe.”

“Vilgefortz?” Yennefer asked as she remembered them both at the battle of Sodden.

“Dear god no Yennefer, I may not be at my best at the moment but I still know my damn worth.” Tissaia smiled as she heard Yennefer laugh behind her.

“Keep your secrets for now then Rectoress.” Yennefer grinned.

They sat together in the bath as Yennefer washed Tissaia’s hair. She could feel the woman relaxing in front of her. She tried her best not to focus on the fact that she was naked in a bath with the object of her affections. That she was pressed up against the older woman who who was making small pleased noises at Yennefer’s fingers in her hair. She closed her eyes and willed her body to behave. That this wasn’t sexual. That she wasn’t going to trail her hands down from Tissaia’s hair and down her body. She wouldn’t get to touch, taste and love all of her. Not right now. Not just yet.

“Yennefer.” Tissaia let out a shaky breath and it was then that Yennefer noticed that one of her hands had betrayed her and had moved out of the hair and under the watcher. Her hand was just under Tissaia’s breast.

“Sorry.” Yennefer said huskily as she moved her hand away. “Do you require any help washing?”

“I want to say no.” Tissaia shook her head. “But we both know I do.”

“Its okay.” Yennefer reached out of the bath and grabbed a sponge that was off to the side. “Its okay.”

Yennefer began with Tissaia’s back. Softly moving the sponge up and down her back before moving around in the large bath to face Tissaia who was refusing to look at her. Smirking she picked up the sponge and pressed it softly to Tissaia’s nose, wiping the traces of blood and making her roll her eyes. She enjoyed the small smile that appears on her face. She moved the sponge down her neck and began to clean her front. She swallowed as she began to move the sponge across to her chest. She didn’t expect to be sharing a bath nor cleaning Tissaia when she got up this morning. More than anything she expected to have already fought with the Rectoress as least fifty times by now.

“Yennefer.” Tissaia broke her thoughts she she moved the sponge down her stomach. She was flushed.

“Yes Tissaia?” Yennefer knew her eyes had now also betrayed her, she knew they were filled with want.

“I can do this bit please.” She handed the sponge to Tissaia and looked away nodding, of course she could. Yennefer just wished she had let her.

Tissaia’s blood felt like it was on fire. Yennefer’s fingers in her hair. Her hand on the sponge as she washed Tissaia. The want she could see in the younger girls eyes. She could feel her own complexion growing redder as she thought about Yennefer’s hands, where she wanted them, where her body was begging for them. She pushed the thoughts out of her head as she finished washing them before she looked back at Yennefer. The beautiful woman was leaning against the bath. A small smile on her face as she she stared off into the distance. Hair flowing outside of the bath. She could see the ends were soaked with water. She thought she would feel more embarrassed and maybe she would do when the arousal disappeared. She had broken down in front of her old student. Her friend. Her..Yennefer. She had stayed. She hadn’t ran. Maybe she should give Yennefer more credit.

“Yenna.” Tissaia said softly getting her attention. “I’m done, I may need some help standing.”

“Of course.” Tissaia blushed as Yennefer stood. She was truly beautiful. Water dripped down her body as Yennefer moved to get them both towels than offered her a hand. Tissaia held on as Yennefer helped her stand. “Here.” She has handed her a towel and Tissaia draped it around herself.

As soon as they both stood out of the bath she heard Yennefer whisper in elder. She was surprised to soon find herself standing dried, hair in an immaculate bun and dress she didn’t recognise. It was obviously one of Yennefer’s own creation. It was a deep emerald green and much like the blue dress Yennefer was wearing. Hers had a golden neckline that dipped lower than she was used it. It was decorated on the hem with small red flowers. Not a dress she would usually wear at all.

“You look beautiful Tissaia.” Yennefer smiled before offering her, her arm.

“Thank you, for all of this.” She let out a deep breath. “I’m sorry for the way I treated you yesterday and I’m sorry for being so difficult.”

“Don’t apologise, I only ask that you let me explain later over dinner.” Yennefer looked down at her eyebrow arched in expectation.

“Yes.” Tissaia agreed. “I suppose I owe you that.”

“You do.” Yennefer continued. “But for right now, Triss and Sabrina are waiting for us in Triss’s room for breakfast.”

“I suppose I should apologise to them too.” Tissaia sighed as they began to leave her room.

“If you want to avoid Sabrina turning you fat, I would.” Yennefer teased and Tissaia found herself laughing.

Maybe life wasn’t completely against her.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short but sweet!

It was awkward to begin with. They all sat around a table in Triss’s room, food spread in front of them as Yennefer and Triss chatted together. She could feel Sabrina glaring at her from across the table. She knew she should apologise sooner rather than later but an anxiety that she hadn’t felt before was bubbling in her chest. What if they didn’t forgive her? What if Sabrina simply turned her fat anyway? She couldn’t fit in any of her dresses and then what if they couldn’t find a way to turn her back? Tissaia let out a shaky breath and she felt Yennefer’s hand land upon her thigh, she squeezed it softly, trying to calm her down. Instead Tissaia’s heart began to beat faster in her chest. She was going to have a heart attack, she was going to have a heart attack and her face would fall into the chicken on her plate and she would be known as the Rectoress who died with her face in chicken.

“Tissaia?” Yennefer questioned. “You look like you’re about to explode.”

“I..” She looked at Triss who was looking back with concern. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry I’ve been so difficult.”

“Tissaia..” Triss began with a kind smile sitting on her face.

“Yes well, maybe you could be a bit kinder to us when we’re simply trying to help you.” Sabrina interrupted looking as unimpressed as she sounded. “Triss will forgive you straight away and eventually her kind expression will burn into my soul until I admit defeat and stop being mad.”

“Sabrina, I truly am sorry, I know I’ve behaved like a child and I know without Triss I wouldn’t be recovering at all, no matter how slowly.” Tissaia looked at the blonde. “I also know without you, Triss would be struggling under the burden of caring for me as well as looking after the school and herself, so I thank you for staying here but even more so I thank you for making her happy.”

Silence cast over the table. Sabrina looked surprised for a moment before a small settled on her face as Triss wrapped an arm around her shoulders. She had never dreamed that Tissaia would say anything so heartfelt, she hadn’t even thought the woman would apologise no doubt. Yennefer squeezed Tissaia’s thigh again and she looked up to the dark haired women who was smiling at her. She knew Yennefer was pleased that she’d let down her walls slightly to let her friends in. She didn’t deserve this. Didn’t deserve them all around her. All she would do was disappoint them. What if her magic never full returned? She’d be a waste of a woman. A shell of her former self. Who would want her then? Who would want just Tissaia the woman? Without her chaos, she was nothing.

Yennefer noticed the dark cloud fall over the older woman next to her after the heartfelt apology to Sabrina and her heart clenched painfully in her chest. She wasn’t sure what to do. She wasn’t sure how to fix this. How to help the Rectoress heal. She knew it was more than the aching in her chest, the struggling with her magic, it was the emotional healing that she needed help with. Tissaia never leant on anyone. She always struggled alone. Yennefer knew that this time, she would be unable to do this.

“Thank you, Rectoress.” Sabrina smiled. “She has made me very happy too.”

“Good.” Tissaia nodded. “I’m glad you’ve found each other.”

“What about you, no Vilgefortz in your future?” Sabrina smirked as Yennefer rolled her eyes.

“No dear, no Vilgefortz in my future, I’m quite sure he wouldn’t want a mage as a wife who couldn’t even draw her own bath without a nose bleed.” Tissaia laughed darkly. “Or who struggles to sit up in bed by herself.”

“Tissaia..” Sabrina’s eyes went wide.

“No.” Tissaia cut her off shaking her head. “I’m terribly sorry, I suddenly feel unwell, Yennefer would you mind helping me back, obviously come back and finish your breakfast after.”

She stood and felt everyone’s eyes on her as she wobbled. She closed her eyes and willed the tears to leave her. She wouldn’t cry. Not again. Not in front of them all. She felt Yennefer stand beside her and hold her steady.

“I’ll be outside.” She said curtly before leaving the room, leaving Yennefer stood there with her friends.

“Yenn..” Sabrina looked full of anguish, she hadn’t meant to hurt her.

“No, its not your fault, I mean I want to yell at you but I can’t, she’s struggling and I just don’t know how to help her.” Yennefer turned to them frustrated.

“Be there for her.” Triss smiled sadly at her friend. “Help her chase away the dark thoughts, we have all left Sodden slightly broken Yenn, I had Sabrina to help me find myself.”

“I had Triss.” Sabrina admitted. “I may be a difficult arsehole sometimes but she helped me, she helped me shut my eyes and not think of worms invading my mind.”

“I’m scared I’ll only hurt her more.” Yennefer looked so young in that moment that Sabrina forgot how many centuries she’d lived.

“I have faith in you Yennefer, we both do, help her and she will help you also.” Triss sounded so wise, Yennefer smiled at her.

“I can try.” She bid farewell to her friends as she walked out of the room and found Tissaia leaning against the wall.

She offered her an arm and they began to walk together back to Tissaia’s room in silence. Yennefer wanted to say so many things but she knew now wasn’t the time. They managed to avoid most people and those that walked passed them simply nodded. She knew Tissaia’s anxiety and sadness at her condition must be growing with every person that saw her using Yennefer to help her walk. Soon enough though they found themselves standing in front of the door to Tissaia’s room.

“Thank you Yennefer, I can make it inside myself, you can go back to Triss and Sabrina.” Tissaia stated as she walked into the room, trying to ignore Yennefer following her.

“You realise I won’t be going back right?” Yennefer shut the door behind her and sat on a brown leather armchair, watching as Tissaia sat on the couch, picking up a book she had left there beforehand.

“Yennefer, all I’m going to do is read this book in silence, you’ll be bored in no time.” Tissaia sighed as she opened the book and began to read.

“I think we should talk.” Yennefer placed her feet up on the coffee table that no doubt cost a lot of coin, Tissaia did have an expensive taste after all.

“Feet down, we can talk at dinner.” Tissaia ordered, staring at Yennefer’s feet over the book.

“That’s hours away and I can’t wait that long.” Yennefer stood up and walked towards the matching couch and sat down next to Tissaia.

“You’re not supposed to push people who don’t want to talk, I hope you know that, you’d make a dreadful teacher.” Tissaia huffed.

“You always wanted me to come back and teach and now you’re saying I’d make a shit teacher, you send a lot of mixed messages.” Yennefer smirked as Tissaia put her book down on the table and turned towards her.

“You should watch yourself Yennefer.” Tissaia looked at her sternly. “I may not have my powers at full standard but I could still murder you in the night.”

“Now you’re threatening to murder me too, I’m sure there is something else you can do to me in the middle of the night to punish me for my unruly tongue.” It slipped out before Yennefer could stop it, so used to trying to get under the other mages skin.

“Yennefer, I’m sure you could do a lot better than me, in a castle full of gifted men and women, a broken, old Rectoress should not be high on your list.” Tissaia looked away from piercing eyes. “You saw me, my body, how much I struggle..you shouldn’t want that and you shouldn’t tease me into think you want me..I just can’t take it, Yennefer.” Tissaia looked down at her hands that once wielded so much power. “I can’t let you hurt me Yennefer, I don’t think I’d survive it.”

The revelation shook Yennefer to her core. She knew what was implied here. She had seen Tissaia’s reaction to her hands on her body. She had seen the desire in Tissaia’s eyes for her on many occasion. Yennefer wasn’t stupid, she knew she was beautiful. She was used to people wanting her for her body but this, this was something else. Tissaia had feelings for her. Tissaia wanted more than just a quick fumble in the middle of the night. She also believed that she was less than Yennefer deserved, which was just absurd.

“Tissaia De Vries, you look at me right now.” She urged.

“Yennefer please can we just drop this.” Tissaia exhaled as she turned round slowly to face her once more.

“No, we may not drop this.” Yennefer grabbed the woman’s face in her hands and moved until they were barely inches apart. “Look at me and place your hand upon my my heart.” Tissaia moved her hand up and felt the organ beating in Yennefer’s chest, it was beating faster than usual. “This is what you do to me when you’re around, my heart beats faster, sometimes you make my blood boil with anger and other times its lust.” Tissaia blushed and tried to look away but Yennefer held firm. “I ran away from Sodden, I ran away from my feelings but I refuse to run away now, I Yennefer of Vengerberg absolutely adore you and no other mage or Witcher will ever pull me away from you.” Yennefer took another breath as she felt tears fall from her own eyes and watched as they fell from the woman in front of her. “I love you and I am not going anywhere and I want no other person, I will help you up when you fall, I will stand by your side through it all, magic or no magic, I’m not in love with you because you’re a mage, I’m in love with you because you’re you.”

Tissaia flew forward and pressed her mouth to Yennefer’s as tears left her eyes. Her heart was warm with love and she couldn’t find any words at this exact moment to express exactly how she felt. She was broken, her magic didn’t work but Yennefer loved her anyway. Yennefer loved all of her. Beautiful, dangerous, electrifying Yennefer with violet eyes and a sharp tongue. She moved backwards to break the kiss and found her staring at her in wonder.

“I’m difficult and I’ve made bad choices but I’m here and I love you and quite honestly it would make my day if you were to say you loved me back.” Yennefer said anxiously but still smiling from the kiss.

“Oh my dear, my dear piglet.” Yennefer glared suddenly about to lecture her. “How could I not absolutely adore you?” Yennefer’s smiled wildly. “You are difficult but you’re so smart, you make me laugh like others haven’t, you’re beautiful and you’re so strong willed and I love you for it, I truly do.”

“Tissaia.” Yennefer whispered before leaning in again and uniting their lips once more.

They sat like that for a while. Kissing and enjoying the others hands upon them. Yennefer restrained from ripping Tissaia’s dress from her and devouring her on the couch and Tissaia resisted letting her. They broke eventually as Tissaia leaned away and yawned to Yennefer’s amusement.

“Oh I’m sorry Rectoress, am I boring you?” Yennefer chuckled.

“I’m sorry, I tend to get tired quite quickly these days.” Tissaia’s eyes grew sad and Yennefer shook her head.

“We’ll get you through this, I told you, I’m not leaving, now get onto the bed and nap, I’ll see if I can help Triss out with anything.” Yennefer stood and helped Tissaia to the bed, helping her undress and laughing as she tried to tuck her in and Tissaia swatted at her.

She walked to the door but was stopped by the other woman calling her name.

“Yennefer?” Tissaia called after her.

“Yes, do you want me to fetch you something?” Yennefer turned and looked at the woman who was laying in bed.

“I love you.” Tissaia said softly before shutting her eyes.

“Oh how I love you too.” Yennefer smiled lovingly before leaving the bed room.

She would find Triss and they would find a way to help her heal. She would do if it was the last thing she ever did. She would give up her magic for her if it came to it. She shook her head. Love was making her a fool.

Worth it.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Little bit of angst and jealousy.. but happy ending.. don't worry, you know who you are..

Tissaia awoke to soft hands trailing themselves up and down her left arm. Her right was tucked underneath the pillow she lay her head on. She could feel Yennefer pressed against her as she lay down with her. Turning she found violet eyes staring at her lovingly. She smiled softly and moved forward so she could press their lips together. She felt Yennefer’s tongue swipe against her bottom lip and she opened her mouth to eagerly feel it brush against hers. She slid her arm from underneath the pillow and moved it up into Yennefer’s long, dark hair. She felt Yennefer’s hand’s brush against her hips. They were flush against each other and Tissaia wanted nothing more than to rip off the dress Yennefer was laying in. She wanted to feel the younger woman’s skin on hers again. As they broke, she felt the ache return in her chest and grimaced at the pain. She knew Yennefer had noticed by the soft kiss on her forehead.

“We’re in no rush.” Yennefer said she pulled back.

“While we may not need to Rush Yennefer, I would very much like to touch you without it feeling like my ribs were breaking.” Tissaia huffed.

“Well, about that.” Yennefer smiled, sitting up. “Triss has a new potion for you to drink, she thinks it’ll will clear out the rest of the Dimeritium out of your system, it should take a week I believe.”

“Thank you.” Tissaia closed her eyes and leant her head back on the pillow. “Today seems particularly trying.”

“You can just stay here for now, I’ll fetch the potion and you can take it and then I’ve got to portal to White Orchard to meet with Geralt and Ciri as they’ve picked up some items for me to create another potion to help clear your lungs.” Yennefer bit her lip as Tissaia’s face dropped at the name of the Witcher. “Tissaia, Geralt will be with Jaskier.”

“Very nice.” Tissaia said curtly and began to get up. “I need to get out of this bed.”

“You do not.” Yennefer pushed her back down again and couldn’t but laugh as Tissaia tried to fight her, leaving her on top of Tissaia pinning her down.

“Yennefer, get off of me.” Tissaia hissed. “You’re being a child.”

“And you my dear Rectoress, are being jealous.” Yennefer lent down and pressed a kiss to her forehead before moving to kiss her cheek, then her nose, then her other cheek before hovering just above Tissaia’s lips. “You have no idea how much I want you.”

“You are being a tease.” Tissaia swallowed.

“I am, but I have the feeling you like it.” Yennefer smirked as Tissaia’s eyes fluttered. “Here, I’ll show you how much I want you.”

“Yennefer.” Tissaia warned as the woman moved to straddle Tissaia’s hips before moving on of Tissaia’s hands under her dress, tracing her own thighs with the other womans hand before moving it to wet underwear.

“See.” She said she was pressed the hand harder. “This is for you, all for you.”

Tissaia grabbed her hand away and used it to throw Yennefer off slightly. She grabbed the younger woman’s hair and moved her down for a fierce kiss. She felt Yennefer moan before she pulled her away, the voice in the back of her head telling her to be careful. She didn’t want to injure herself further before she had the chance to touch Yennefer properly. Yennefer was panting above her, staring deeply into her eyes.

“I love you.” Tissaia whispered, she brought her hand up to Yennefer’s cheek.

“I love you.” The younger mage lent down and kissed her softly before rolling off the bed and onto her feet. “You have no need to be jealous.”

“I wasn’t jealous.” Tissaia grumbled looking away.

“You were jealous.” Yennefer argued as she picked up the potion Triss had given her from the side and walked over to Tissaia, handing it over to her. “I assume I would be same would you be meeting up with Margarita.”

“What do you know about Margarita and I?” Tissaia smirked and then grimaced as she drank the potion and handed it to her Yennefer when she was finished.

“Enough.” The dark haired woman sat on the bed. “Rumour gets around.”

“Margarita and I..were a long time ago Yennefer and she’s a trusted friend.” Tissaia smiled softly as the woman scoffed.

“I have seen Margarita and she s gorgeous and she probably does what is asked of her.” Yennefer looked over at Tissaia and began to protest when she moved out of bed. She was still in a state of undress. Completely naked and she felt Yennefer’s eyes on her as she slowly moved to get a robe.

“Margarita is a very beautiful woman and so are you.” Tissaia wrapped a green robe around her. “I do not wish to have a partner who does what I say, I want a partner who challenges but most of all Yennefer, I do not wish to have anyone but you.” She moved back and stood in front of Yennefer placing her hands on her shoulder. “I was jealous, I will try not to be but please know, that I will never want anyone but you.”

“When do we become such romantics?” Yennefer asked smiling as she put her hands on Tissaia’s hips, looking up at her.

“I’m not sure Piglet, maybe its your good looks that keep me coming back for me.” Tissaia teased.

“Oh, so its not my stunning personality, well I’m not Margarita..” Yennefer began teasing her back.

“Oh do shut up Yennefer, for once.” Tissaia kissed her once more to quieten her, laughing at her expression as she pulled back.

“Come with me.” Yennefer breathed. “Come with me to the White Orchard to meet Geralt, Jaskier and Ciri.”

“I wouldn’t want to intrude.” Tissaia began to argue, grimacing slightly as pain radiated through her body once more.

“I know that as soon as I leave you will get out of the bed once more and go off and probably try to teach.” Yennefer shook her head. “So please, just come with me.”

“I suppose since you asked so nicely.” Tissaia chuckled. “I’ll go get dressed.”

“No need.” With a wave of Yennefer’s hand Tissaia found herself in another green dress, this time it was far too low cut for her liking, showing off her chest with a v neck cut, silver chain draped around her middle and silver around the hem.

“Yennefer..” Tissaia began.

“You look beautiful and you’re keeping your hair down.” Yennefer smiled, Tissaia’s hair was down and curled slightly at the ends. It gave the Rectoress a softer look.

“Since when did it become acceptable for you to tell me what to do?” She huffed.

“I’m sure when you’re more yourself you’ll spend most of the time telling me what to do.” Yennefer replied, shaking her head as Tissaia grinned. “Let’s go then.”

“I’ll try not to embarrass you.” Tissaia remarked as Yennefer opened a portal and offered her, her arm.

“I’m not worried about that.” Yennefer chuckled. “I’m worried about them.”

They soon found themselves outside of the White Orchard and watched as the people around them quickly scattered away, whispering about mages and the curses they set on people. Yennefer smiled down at Tissaia and led her into the pub. They found themselves surrounded by drunken soldiers and farmers. The smell of beef stew and ale filled the air around them. Yennefer beamed as Ciri ran over to her from the corner table where she sat with Geralt and Jaskier. She wrapped her arms around the small girl pulling her in for a tight hug.

“Yenna!” Ciri grinned hugging her. “I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too, little one, how have you been?” Ciri looked up at the woman.

“Good, I’ve missed you though so much, its not the same without you.” Ciri sighed.

“I’m sure you’re still having as much fun without me there.” Yennefer smiled over to Tissaia. “Ciri, this is Rectoress Tissaia De Vries of Aretuza.”

“Its very nice to meet you, I’m Ciri.” Ciri said shyly looking up at the older woman.

“You look very much like your mother when she was your age.” Tissaia said kindly.

“You knew my mother?” Ciri said in awe.

“I met her a few times, when Calanthe allowed me to visit, your grandmother and I were friends, sometimes, depending on how she felt.” Tissaia remarked dryly. “I was saddened by her passing, her and Eist.”

“I didn’t know that.” Yennefer said next to her. “I didn’t know you were friends with Calanthe.”

“There is still a lot you have yet to learn.” Tissaia arched her eyebrow.

“So it seems.” The younger mage answered as they followed Ciri over to Geralt and Jaskier’s table, she smiled as Geralt pulled out two chairs for them.

“Yenn, good to see you.” The gruff man said, as Jaskier raised his ale to her.

“Nice to see you Yenn, didn’t think you’d be back.” Jaskier smiled falsely at her.

“You hoped I wouldn’t be back.” Yennefer rolled her eyes. “Unfortunately for you I am.”

“Yes well, here’s the herbs you wanted.” Jaskier put them on the table in front of her. “Now you can help save the crotchety old Rectroess of Aretuza.”

“Crotchety?” Tissaia scoffed. “What have you been telling them about me Piglet?”

“You’re..” Jaskier squeaked.

“Tissaia De Vries, crotchety old Rectoress of Aretuza.” She greeted, her look as unimpressed as her voice.

“Jaskier.” He greeted, clearing his throat. “You’re not what I expected, when Yennefer said she was leaving to help you.”

“No, clearly I’m not but I’ve found men to often be clueless about women.” Yennefer laughed at the woman next to her.

“I’m Geralt.” The white wolf looked amused at the woman his ex lover was clearly infatuated with.

“Its nice to meet you Geralt,thank you for obtaining the herbs she needs, I’m sure it will be a great help to me.” Tissaia eyed him with caution.

“No problem, Yenn told me how much it meant to her that you heal.” He explained with a kind smile and Tissaia found herself smiling back.

“Yes well, I suppose we’re both lucky that Yennefer crossed our path.” She said ignoring Jaskier’s scoff.

“Yes.” He nodded. “Dimeritium poisoning?”

“Yes unfortunately, its taking longer than it usually should to clear out my system.” Tissaia muttered.

“But you will get there.” Yennefer reached over and placed her hand over Tissaia’s. “These herbs will help and so will Triss’s potions and then you’ll be ready to strike fear into the hearts of your students again.”

“One can only hope.” Tissaia chuckled.

“Ah, now I see why you’re into her Yennefer, another woman who likes pain.” Jaskier sniffed.

“One can like both pain and pleasure boy, I would have though a musician like yourself would be used to playing to you bleed out of the pleasure of playing music.” Tissaia replied.

“I..” Jaskier stuttered once more.

“Hmph.” Geralt said amused as he watched Jaskier stutter and Ciri cringe.

“You’re amazing.” Yennefer breathed out between laughter.

“Thank you dear.” Tissaia smiled.

“Will you stay a while longer, I know you have your herbs but its been so long?” Ciri pleaded looking at Yennefer.

“I..” She looked at Tissaia who still despite her nap, looked exhausted.

“We will stay, little lioness, do not worry.” Tissaia’s eyes flickered with something Yennefer couldn’t quite place.

“If you’re sure.” Yennefer shrugged.

“I am dear.” Tissaia answered, squeezing Yennefer’s hand lovingly. “Lets stay a while longer.”

They stayed for two hours, catching up with Yennefer’s friends and listening to the stories they had to tell. Tissaia talked quietly for some time with Ciri and Yennefer could hear both Ciri’s mother’s name and her Grandmother’s. It appeared that Tissaia had spent some time with Calanthe when she was younger. Yennefer had never heard Tissaia talk about the Lioness of Cintra before but she could feel the affection she had for the woman in her voice. Yennefer watched as sadness fell over her face when Ciri explained to her what Calanthe had been like in her last moments. Now that they were both back in Tissaia’s room getting undressed for the night, Yennefer wanted to task but found herself unable to do so. She wasn’t sure if she would like the answer to her question. Yennefer was a jealous person. She couldn’t help it. She had heard many stories about the love that Margarita and Tissaia had shared. She’d heard that the Rectoress had been lovers for many years, they had even written a book together “Masters of magic on curses – selected writings”. She had envied Margarita as soon as she had found out about it. The woman was gorgeous, she was smart and she loved teaching. Yennefer felt she couldn’t even hold a candle to her but Calanthe..Calanthe was a queen. She was beautiful, strong and she cared deeply for her people even if this meant she had committed many horrors in the name of love for them. How could she complete with these people?

“Yennefer, you’re thinking far too hard.” Tissaia hissed in pain as she slid into bed.

“You’ve been up and moving far too much today.” Yennefer commented, before blowing the candle out next to the bed and climbing in making sure to keep her distance from Tissaia. “I’ve told Triss we’re both alive and updated her on the herbs.”

“Good.” Tissaia moved to put her hand on Yennefer’s shoulder and frowned as Yennefer flinched. “Is there a reason you’re all the way over there and flinching when I’m touching you.”

“No.” Yennefer whispered. “I’m fine.”

“Yennefer.” Tissaia sighed and moved closer to her until she was pressed against her, she kissed her neck lovingly. “You are not, what is it, do you wish to return to your friends?”

“What if I do?” Yennefer spat. “Will you let me leave or keep me here?”

“I..” Tissaia’s heart broke. “Of course I wouldn’t keep you here Yennefer, you are free to go as you please.” The woman moved away from her. “I’m not sure what I’ve done Yennefer, but I’m sorry if I’ve hurt you.”

“Tissaia.” Yennefer could feel the older woman’s heartbreak behind her. “You didn’t do anything, I’m sorry, I’m being..”

“Cold, cruel?” Tissaia offered before Yennefer turned round.

“I am and I’m trying to be better, I am.” Yennefer let old a cold laugh. “But how can I compete with them?”

“With who?” Tissaia asked confused, she could just make out Yennefer’s pained face in the moonlight that flooded in through the crack in the curtains.

“Margarita and Calanthe.” Yennefer said glumly.

“Calanthe?” Tissaia asked cautiously. “What do you mean?”

“Do not treat me as though I am a fool Tissaia, I will just leave.” Yennefer clenched her teeth.

“I was younger, much younger.” Tissaia sighed as she explained. “It was when Pavetta herself was just younger than Cirilla, I was to go and convince Calanthe that she needed a mage, Stregabor sent me, I’m sure he meant for her just to kill me.” She let out a laugh. “We had a battle of words, we shot barbs at each other with every sentence, she was a woman who could not be tamed, we ended up arguing in her chambers until..we explored our anger with each other in another way.”

“You fucked.” Yennefer stated.

“Yes Yennefer if you want to be crude about it, we fucked.” Tissaia looked at Yennefer before grabbing one of the younger woman’s hands in hers. “For two years, I would return to Cintra under the guise of trying to get her to have a mage at court it simply just ended and we wrote to each other for years, I received a final letter from Calanthe stating that she was having dreams of her own death, she was my friend after she was my lover Yennefer, we may not have seen eye to eye but I will not apologise for feeling sad about her death.”

“I don’t want you to.” Yennefer squeezed her hand. “I’m sorry.”

“Margarita.” Tissaia started ignoring Yennefer’s apology. “We were together for a while after you left on your journey, we wrote the book together but I simply couldn’t forget you and I believe she knew that.” Yennefer moved closer to Tissaia until their foreheads were pressed against each other. “She deserved more than I could give her, I suppose it always felt to her that I was waiting for you to return to me.”

“I did, I’m here.” Yennefer kissed her softly. “I came back.”

“You did, so there you have it Yennefer.” Tissaia muttered. “You don’t need to worry about either of my past relationships with them, whatever I ever felt for them is nothing compared to you but I please ask you to just talk to me about these things instead of being cruel.” Tissaia continued. “If you wish to return to them I wouldn’t stop you or blame you, Ciri is a wonderful child who will grow to do great things and she idolises you and Geralt is a better man than I thought.”

“Jaskier?” Yennefer asked smiling softly.

“Is an arsehole but who am I to judge, I also fell in love with one.” Tissaia said dryly.

“That is very true.” Yennefer nodded. “You did, I’m sorry, no I do not want to leave, I’m here, I’m staying.”

“Please just talk to me next time.” Tissaia whispered. “Hurting me because you’re hurting will get us nowhere.”

“I know.” Yennefer cuddled into her. “I’m an idiot.”

“You are piglet but like I said, I will always love you anyway.” Tissaia chuckled as Yennefer nipped at her neck.

“Mine.” She remarked, holding her tighter.

“Always yours Yennefer.” She confirmed. “Always.”


End file.
